Juggernaut Double Header: Beer Week/Night Ride Combo

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This is the last known photo of Bad Parse.

The ESF started out at the Jack Rose Saloon Devils Backbone tap takeover and whiskey pairing before heading out on the bikes for a late night loop in the wilds of DC. It went extremely well and extremely poorly all at the same time.

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Gorka observing a supernova engulfing Thor.

Patapsco Epic: We Put This Charity Ride Up on Our Knee and Spanked It

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Thor and Gorka took on the 50 mile edition of the Patapsco Epic in support of trail advocacy group MORE. The pre-race briefing suggested a 7-10 hour ride time for Advanced and Expert riders. They didn’t take into account Advanced Expert riders like the Juggernaut ESF. Got this thing done in 5:40. Race course – spanked. Beer garden – spanked. Butterflies – spanked. Vegan food truck – spanked.

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We even stopped for some photo booth action. Feast your eyes on this ladies:
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Ry-Dog got on some singletrack to tune up for his Juggernaut tryout slated for November 2028:
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Rourke Overcomes Rare “Fish Belly White Leg Ailment” to Finish DFL in Legends Race

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Juggernaut founding member Jon Rourke admitted Sunday that he suffers from a rare ailment that renders his legs fish belly white. “Sometimes the sun hits my knees caps at an off angle and I see people squint. It’s a blinding effect caused by my tragically white legs,” said Rourke. It was confirmed by race officials that the disease did not play a role in his decision to race a commuter bike or to show up with a solid beer buzz.

Moby Tentatively Agrees to Score Upcoming Juggernaut Docudrama

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Legendary DJ Moby has tentatively inked a deal to score the 7-part docudrama Juggernaut: A Subtle Brilliance.

“I have several pieces already written in my mind,” said Moby, “including a track entitled The Lion’s Magnificent Scepter and another I call Emaciated SkyLark: Gorka’s Song.”

Juggernaut Pilgrims Go West, Find Golden Tablets, Establish New Religion

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Lo did the angel Lefefulus command upon the brethren “treasure, good Juggernaut adventurers, is your destiny upon yonder plains of fiery desolation, for I have bequeathed divine golden tablets upon thine encampment, for you shall know the truth, and the truth will allow you to rip many many miles of singletrack.”

And so did the Juggernaut happen upon a stack of golden tablets that will likely rewrite the course of cycling spirituality and the history of the world’s great religions. The dictates of the Juggernaut; benovolence upon humanity, obsessive cycling, unmatched camp circle skills, a love of hop and barley, and the worship of a new class of sub-deities and lesser known imps, has all been confirmed by a higher power in the form of kick ass golden tablets.

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Set forth upon the tablets are the 17 steps to spiritual passage into cycling nirvana. Loyalty and adherence to the code will be strictly enforced.

“I’m looking forward to the 2016 Inquisitions,” said El Guapo. “If you get enough participation from the group and have the right equipment inquisitions can really bring people together.”

El Guapo awakes from a spiritual trance:

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White Dynamite summons lesser known imps:
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The Angel Lefefulus:
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The Juggernaut Summer 2015 training camp. Durango to Moab in 6 days: 240 miles, 24,000 feet of climbing, big weather, thin air, bears, 7 cases of beer. And the Whole Enchilada. THE FREAKING WHOLE ENCHILADA. We set some records.

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This is where we went:       Screen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.24.45 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.24.26 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.24.05 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.23.45 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.23.19 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.22.57 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.22.30 PMScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 1.22.06 PM

Rest day hijinks:

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