New Rider: Greetings Gorka!

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The Juggernaut extends a warm welcome to our new teammate – Gorka.
Hometown: Txindoki Mountain
Race day diet: Figs, sticks
Favorite cycling item: Winter kit made from the stomach of a yak and lamb wool
Race day soundtrack: Pan flute
Bone structure: Similar to a pelican or amoeba

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Guest Columnist: Deadly Tedly

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I was minding my business outside of the gas station in downtown Poolesville across the street from Bassetts restaurant. There was a man trying to sell a 1986 Cadillac Deville for $1,100 to a teenage girl. The teenage girl had a set of lips tattooed on her neck and three hickeys on the part of her chest that was visible. I am pretty sure I don’t want to know what the guy who gave her the hickeys did on the part of her chest that was not visible.  The teenager turned to me and asked if she should by the 1986 Cadillac Deville. I suggested that before parting with her $1,100 she should at least get a mechanic to look at it. I am chalking up her decision to seek the advice of a man wearing tights with a piece of styrofoam strapped to his head to a combination of desperation and horrible judgment.  It is fairly safe to assume that anyone with a set of lips tattooed on her neck has horrible judgment.

Training Tips from Oakley Rich

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Hey Rich, what are you doing? Oh you now, riding the purple dinosaur. Hey guys, where’s Rich? I’m not sure, but I’d guess he’s riding the purple dinosaur. It’s a common phrase around the Juggernaut camp – Oakley Rich loves to ride the purple dinosaur. Can’t. Get. Enough. Of. It. And that’s cool. He says it works his core and some inner ear muscles. Key to the workout is getting lost in the moment. Way beyond normal excitement. Little kids get freaked out and cry, store managers call security. WWRD.

Kits, and Something That Rhymes With Kits

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New Juggernaut blackout kits are in – ready for night ops and general mayhem. The shipment was hijacked upon arrival by a group of spectacular bellydancing lovelies. We were sent pictures throughout the night. The zippers work. They go up, they go down. Check. It’s good to be a cyclist, it’s even better to be a Juggernaut. Thanks ladies.