Raiding Greenbrier: The Real Race Report

As Spike says: “It’s the kit, it’s gotta be the kit”

As Spike says: “It’s the kit, it’s gotta be the kit”

ODM – you know it when you see it.

ODM – you know it when you see it.

The ESF training table. Mental toughness. Have you ever been dared to eat the mouth out of a croaker? Well, the Juggernauts have. They mock the challenge and raise the bar, devouring the whole head. Umbrella girls, fish heads, attack mimes – what next Juggernauts, what next…? Greenbrier MD State Championships – that’s what’s next.

Raiders indeed. The ESF struck hard at Greenbrier: Three Juggernauts, three races, three podiums.

  • Dickey (a.k.a., Juggernaut slumming as a Scott Pro, a.k.a., Happy Fun Ball) took the win in the Men’s Pro field crushing a tough pro field leaving only small hairline fractures in his frame
  • White Dynamite took 2nd in the Men’s Elite 40+ laying down enough power that even combat MTB photog AEL got haired and bailed – no photo evidence, just knowing he was there is enough
  • And Fang took 5th in the Men’s 45+ Marathon – a podium, a little schwag, and with a modicum of fashion sense.
The wax museum. In West Virginia this would be called a travesty – or worthy of a hog call. Otherwise the worst-dressed podium of the day … sadly reminiscing about day-glo tights and mullets.

The wax museum. In West Virginia this would be called a travesty – or worthy of a hog call. Otherwise the worst-dressed podium of the day … sadly reminiscing about day-glo tights and mullets.

Juggernauts Shot Out of a Cannon at 2013 Bakers Dozen

1304130122-(ZF-7354-79637-2-001) 644611_10151560403678469_1763377680_n photo copy 2

The Juggernaut put on a clinic at the 2013 Bakers Dozen – pretty much spanking the bulk of the field and performing a wheelie on their collective faces. Results:

1st place 3-man masters: Shane, Kinger, Fang

2nd place 3-man open: Thor, Dyno, Matt “Mutha-fing” Parse

Oh yeah, and the local Hooters clientele was without two of their favorite waitresses because they were busy holding transition zone umbrellas, working on their tans, and learning about exotic food dishes like hummus.

Worth mentioning at the top of this report is the continued snake-like behavior of teammate Gorka who bailed 10.5 hours before the race start due to an imbalance of inner harmony. Team directors have banished him for 100 years and during this time he is to meditate on his shortcomings and craft bonsai trees representing the souls of each of his teammates. Team directors will judge the bonsai in the year 2113 and make a call as to his standing for the 2114 season.

HUGE rallying of Juggernaut awesomeness. Jon Rourke, momentarily off the World Cup circuit, ran the base station in true pro form, tuning, rebuilding, and entertaining the masses. The Lady Juggs provided their standard legendary support throughout the day and night. And Matt “Mutha-F’ing” Parse stepped up to scorch 7 hot laps with barely enough notice that he was racing to finish his first beer of the morning.

Dyno was extremely psyched about the team results and suggested to the bonfire party crowd that he could “chop a tree down with his junk”, so great was his pride in the Juggernaut.

 

Juggernaut Get Their Race On at Sugar Hill

photo copy 2 dyno_sugarphoto copy photo

Thor – 6th Masters Elite, Fang 12th Masters Elite, Dyno – Sh*t Blowed Up

Couldn’t have been a much better day at Sugar Hill. Home course for the Juggs. Perfect weather, perfect trail conditions. Beer garden waiting for us at the finish like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Every year this race gets faster. The Juggs rocked it out in the elite class, then upped their game at the beer garden. Dyno – not a happy dude. Chain break, fix, chain break, lay down on the side of the trail and chill.

Rosaryville 3HR/6HR Results – Whooot!

20130323_EX2_6HCM_ROSARYVILLE_-0967-(ZF-9069-68538-1-001)

Juggernaut Brother Karr put down a big diesel effort at the inaugural Rosaryville 3HR/6HR race – 2nd overall in the 3HR – on his broken-ass chain-skipping single-speed no less. That’s the kind of thing the gets into people’s heads. Damn. Single-speed. Rocking it. And me with all these gears dying to hang on. Some real racing going on out there. Back and forth with the competition from start to finish. On the gas start to finish. Even had enough time to give the hook em horns to the camera man.