Nineteen Juggernaut Spirit Animals Saved From Certain Death

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Police in Florida are crediting a recent surge in baby sea manatee interest for their willingness to rescue 19 of the creatures that had accidentally wedged themselves in local drain pipes seeking warmth.

“It’s been cold lately and these canals are all filled with baby sea manatees and cobras,” Fire Chief Don Hughes said. “I wouldn’t even begin to venture a guess as to how the manatees got into the drainage pipes. Thank God for the Juggernaut and their benevolent nature. If a baby sea manatee wrapped in a cobra wasn’t their collective spirit animal we probably would have left them in there and gone jet skiing.”

Acting on a tip from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, municipal workers found the manatees in the drainpipe at around 3 p.m. Local police and fire agencies engaged a complex telepathic mind meld with Juggernaut leadership to speak with the animals during their confinement in the drainage pipe.

“We thought there would be more cobras,” said Hughes.

Onlookers cheered as the manatees were pulled out of the drain on huge stretchers.

“My mother just got here from Ohio,” said C.J. Miller. “We heard that the Juggernaut had adopted baby sea manatees wrapped in cobras as their spirit animal and we decided to come to see what was happening. She’s never seen a baby sea manatee. Or a cobra. Or a baby sea manatee wrapped in a cobra.”

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