More Juggernaut Than the Juggernaut? The Bar Has Been Raised


Juggernaut Double Header: Beer Week/Night Ride Combo

This is the last known photo of Bad Parse.

The ESF started out at the Jack Rose Saloon Devils Backbone tap takeover and whiskey pairing before heading out on the bikes for a late night loop in the wilds of DC. It went extremely well and extremely poorly all at the same time.

Gorka observing a supernova engulfing Thor.

Patapsco Epic: We Put This Charity Ride Up on Our Knee and Spanked It


Thor and Gorka took on the 50 mile edition of the Patapsco Epic in support of trail advocacy group MORE. The pre-race briefing suggested a 7-10 hour ride time for Advanced and Expert riders. They didn’t take into account Advanced Expert riders like the Juggernaut ESF. Got this thing done in 5:40. Race course – spanked. Beer garden – spanked. Butterflies – spanked. Vegan food truck – spanked.


We even stopped for some photo booth action. Feast your eyes on this ladies:


Ry-Dog got on some singletrack to tune up for his Juggernaut tryout slated for November 2028:

Rourke Overcomes Rare “Fish Belly White Leg Ailment” to Finish DFL in Legends Race


Juggernaut founding member Jon Rourke admitted Sunday that he suffers from a rare ailment that renders his legs fish belly white. “Sometimes the sun hits my knees caps at an off angle and I see people squint. It’s a blinding effect caused by my tragically white legs,” said Rourke. It was confirmed by race officials that the disease did not play a role in his decision to race a commuter bike or to show up with a solid beer buzz.

Moby Tentatively Agrees to Score Upcoming Juggernaut Docudrama


Legendary DJ Moby has tentatively inked a deal to score the 7-part docudrama Juggernaut: A Subtle Brilliance.

“I have several pieces already written in my mind,” said Moby, “including a track entitled The Lion’s Magnificent Scepter and another I call Emaciated SkyLark: Gorka’s Song.”