El Guapo Takes Time Out From Mending Holes in His Poncho to Win Pisgah Double Dare

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No need to look at the map. Just pedal pedal pedal. El Guapo claiming the top of the podium and the big gold belt buckle that goes with it.

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Five Steps to Success in CX Racing

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Step 1: Show up late and slightly buzzed
Step 2: Line up in the back row
Step 3: Check entry to make sure you are sandbagging like a mofo
Step 4: Pass 100 or so people on your mountain bike
Step 5: Wrap up your season after one race

This is a good example of how we dish it out in the CX scene:

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Editors note: In this instance, and probably only this instance, we, the Juggernaut, are represented by the huge black man in the example.

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Fang and Gorka Race the Wilderness 101, Burst Into Flames

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Despite the fact that temperatures were hotter than those typically found on the face of the sun, Fang and Gorka shunned common sense and decided to race the Wilderness 101. Teeth were gnashed, tears were shed, spontaneous human combustion occurred.

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Gorka and Pookie Night Ops

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Submitted by Pookie:
The Juggernaut ESF, as a secret society, is shadowy in nature and friends with the night. It was therefore right and just for Gorka and Pookie to represent the Juggernaut at the Cranky Monkey Darkside in the suburbs of DC.
As the sun set, the racers took off from a mass start on road to an open grass run-out that funneled into buffed single track. With a slim field, the race opened up quickly. Gorka, never a friend of technology, modern footware, or properly fitting pants, lacked trust in the longevity of his lights and so followed a fellow racer through the dark for most of the course. As the finish line approached, Gorka, true to his cowardly nature, offered the victory to his companion in recognition of the aid of his lights. And so it was that Gorka did not, in fact, “Olsen” this stranger in adherence to Juggernaut bylaws but instead simply rolled onto his back to expose his awful yellow belly.
Gorka: 2nd in Expert Men’s 45+
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In other nocturnal action, where the Juggernaut does some of its greatest magic, Pookie found his place in “Chase 2” tucked behind a veteran rider. Eventually tired of the smell of Tiger Balm musty lederhosen, Pookie moved ahead into the void and raced the second half of the course alone, in a zen-like commune with the spirits of the wood.  Breaking into the open and crossing the finish line to abject silence and not a soul in sight, he wondered if his fellow Juggernaut host had actually made the Rapture or were left behind like him. Moments later, Pookie appeared in the “extended” podium at 5th in Expert Men 44 & Under.

Pisgah 111 2016 – This One Goes to 11

guapo_podiumDespite it being the monsoon season in the Mid-Atlantic, the Juggernaut convened in Asheville to once again do battle on the Pisgah 111 course and to drink the town dry.

Let’s start with the important stuff. Guapo, the King of Pisgah contender, knocks out a 4th place masters finish at the 111 and then follows up the next day on the podium with a third place finish at the 55 (while everyone else slept in, rode Bent Creek, drank beer, and had a religious zealot try to save our souls which it turns out cannot be done). On the podium he showed off how much beer he was going to drink at the Wedge later that evening by palming a half barrel of beer.

Fang rode off course at aid station 2 and time trialed to Nashville to record a single with Loretta Lynn before regaining the course and wrapping up on Black Mountain/Whoville/The Root Ladder. Only part of that is true. Bad day for Fang, great day for country music fans.fang+lorettaDyno pulled off the most Juggernaut move of all time and flew from the serenity of southern California to the nasty Pisgah 111 race course unannounced to the rest of the Jugg team. An epic level of commitment to the brotherhood. The rest of the Juggernaut should wallow in their shame for eternity. He was unaccounted for on the course for over one hour and was likely grappling with a hellbender salamander which is a real and horrible creature that lives in the bottom of mud puddles. dyno_hellbenderAll that aside, we really did spank this thing. Guapo 4th Masters at 111. Thor 7th Masters at 111. Guapo 3rd Masters at 55. Records were set at the Wedge.

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El Guapo Takes a Break from Robbing Stage Coaches to Place 4th at Pisgah Stage Race

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Guapo proves again to be the strongest of the Juggernaut. New kit looks freaking nice descending over the rocks and roots in the nastiest of east coast cycling locales. In a post race interview with Univision Guapo was quoted as saying “No podría haber hecho esto sin la ayuda de mi burro de confianza y mi escondite secreto de tequila”.

The now infamous haikus:

Otro día cola dura
Caído al cuarto lugar después de la etapa dos
Mañana épica

Aún cuarto lugar después de tres
Más largo día más difícil hasta el momento
Laurel piloto próxima

Etapa de carrera favorita
En tercer lugar hoy con cargo Laurel
Farlow mañana

En cuarto lugar Masters gato
El amor y la raza Pisgah Pisgah
Los hombres fuertes también lloran

Strong men also cry. Strong men… also cry.