And the Winner of the Annual Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone is…

The Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone traveling award is given to the team rider who has most clearly displayed true Juggernaut qualities during the previous calendar year. The award is kept in the possession of the recipient for the duration of one year at which point it is passed to the next winner. The prize is typically displayed in a prominent place such as the dashboard of a car or in a metal cage attached to a rope chain worn around the neck. The value of the Golden Cobble is estimated to be in excess of $100,000*.

The 2016 winner of the Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone is White Dynamite for traveling under cloak of secrecy from California to North Carolina to the Pisgah 111 race course unannounced to his team mates. He didn’t have to do it. He could have just stayed in Laguna Beach where its always nice. But no, while many Juggernauts sat the race out, probably doing sad or socially unacceptable activities instead, Dyno got himself to the line and rode to glory. It was the greatest display of Juggernaut swagger this year and for that, Dyno is regaled with our highest honor.

Second place goes to El Guapo who was on the podium every weekend and continues to be the most legit rider on the team.

Third place goes to Fang who made his hand look like his foot.

To the runners up and the rest of the Jugg brethren, as they say in the place where everything rhymes, “tough titty little kitty”. Better luck next year suckers.

*Cobblestone value may vary by $100,000. Actual cobblestone was found in Rock Creek Park moments after Angry Cernich flipped over a log during a night ride and smashed his nuts.


Juggernaut Double Header: Beer Week/Night Ride Combo

This is the last known photo of Bad Parse.

The ESF started out at the Jack Rose Saloon Devils Backbone tap takeover and whiskey pairing before heading out on the bikes for a late night loop in the wilds of DC. It went extremely well and extremely poorly all at the same time.

Gorka observing a supernova engulfing Thor.

Juggernaut Drinking Song Deemed Better Than Phil Collins’ Sussudio


Not since Sussudio has a song more deftly captured the inner workings of modern man. His desires. His struggles. His triumph over stuff. “There Goes the ESF”, the drinking song of the Juggernaut, was debuted at the 2015 winter gathering last night. Next time you’re in the wilderness don’t be surprised to hear the strains of lilting Juggernaut voices drifting along with the wind. Also planned was the complete and utter dominance of everything. Sandwich. Dominated. Bike race. Dominated. Vacation. Dominated. Everybody just stand back.

Sky Chicken Delivers 14-minute Diatribe from Storage Unit


Sky Chicken, long missing from the Juggernaut ranks, broadcast a 14-minute long diatribe from an unknown location this afternoon, likely from deep in the mountainous regions of Appalachia or the western high plains. Given the clues in the background of the footage it appears he is in some sort of awful lair of madness.