And the Winner of the Annual Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone is…

The Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone traveling award is given to the team rider who has most clearly displayed true Juggernaut qualities during the previous calendar year. The award is kept in the possession of the recipient for the duration of one year at which point it is passed to the next winner. The prize is typically displayed in a prominent place such as the dashboard of a car or in a metal cage attached to a rope chain worn around the neck. The value of the Golden Cobble is estimated to be in excess of $100,000*.

The 2016 winner of the Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone is White Dynamite for traveling under cloak of secrecy from California to North Carolina to the Pisgah 111 race course unannounced to his team mates. He didn’t have to do it. He could have just stayed in Laguna Beach where its always nice. But no, while many Juggernauts sat the race out, probably doing sad or socially unacceptable activities instead, Dyno got himself to the line and rode to glory. It was the greatest display of Juggernaut swagger this year and for that, Dyno is regaled with our highest honor.

Second place goes to El Guapo who was on the podium every weekend and continues to be the most legit rider on the team.
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Third place goes to Fang who made his hand look like his foot.
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To the runners up and the rest of the Jugg brethren, as they say in the place where everything rhymes, “tough titty little kitty”. Better luck next year suckers.

*Cobblestone value may vary by $100,000. Actual cobblestone was found in Rock Creek Park moments after Angry Cernich flipped over a log during a night ride and smashed his nuts.

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First Annual Double P*ssy in the Books

11348139_1475178479476767_1585831584_n“First, you two are both pussies. Second, you just chose two pussy routes.” And so it was named, by the ever tactful Hacksaw Hutchins, the Inaugural Juggernaut Double Pussy. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 110 miles and 13,000 feet of climbing on the back roads of West Virginia. Pussy ride for the Juggs, kinda burly otherwise.

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Juggernaut Debuts Spirit Animal T-Shirt / Courts Lemmy as Brand Ambassador

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The Juggernaut debuted new apres ride apparel in the form of the long rumored “Baby Sea Manatee Wrapped in a Cobra / Spirit Animal” t-shirt. In addition, as part of a “two-prong marketing blitz”, negotiations have begun with Lemmy from Motorhead to serve as brand ambassador for the Juggernaut. For real.

Juggernaut ESF Night Ride Crew Finds Human Head in Backpack

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The Juggernaut ESF night ride crew found a human head in a backpack during their weekly nocturnal training mission. Upon turning the backpack in to Sgt. Bispee O’Halloran of the Park Police, the officer remarked, with a tear in his eye, “what you boys have done took enormous balls, and you’ve likely saved many lives in the process. The Juggernaut must be a benevolent secret society of some sort and I thank God that you exist.” With that, he drop kicked the human head over the┬áRock Creek Park police headquarters where it landed on top of the huge pile of severed human heads that resides behind the building.