And the Winner of the Annual Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone is…

The Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone traveling award is given to the team rider who has most clearly displayed true Juggernaut qualities during the previous calendar year. The award is kept in the possession of the recipient for the duration of one year at which point it is passed to the next winner. The prize is typically displayed in a prominent place such as the dashboard of a car or in a metal cage attached to a rope chain worn around the neck. The value of the Golden Cobble is estimated to be in excess of $100,000*.

The 2016 winner of the Juggernaut Golden Cobblestone is White Dynamite for traveling under cloak of secrecy from California to North Carolina to the Pisgah 111 race course unannounced to his team mates. He didn’t have to do it. He could have just stayed in Laguna Beach where its always nice. But no, while many Juggernauts sat the race out, probably doing sad or socially unacceptable activities instead, Dyno got himself to the line and rode to glory. It was the greatest display of Juggernaut swagger this year and for that, Dyno is regaled with our highest honor.

Second place goes to El Guapo who was on the podium every weekend and continues to be the most legit rider on the team.
screen-shot-2016-12-22-at-1-31-40-pm

Third place goes to Fang who made his hand look like his foot.
img_1627

To the runners up and the rest of the Jugg brethren, as they say in the place where everything rhymes, “tough titty little kitty”. Better luck next year suckers.

*Cobblestone value may vary by $100,000. Actual cobblestone was found in Rock Creek Park moments after Angry Cernich flipped over a log during a night ride and smashed his nuts.

Advertisements

Straight Outta Brompton

It was just a matter of time before the Juggernaut had a World Champion on their hands. Fang will be wearing the rainbow stripes of the Brompton Veteran World Champion in 2016. Hell, we’re all going to be wearing the rainbow stripes. We’re World Champions through osmosis. The race went down like this: Fang unfolded his bike and put down 10 miles of raw power in the rain while wearing a purple tux. That’s the whole story.

11875291_454931738048735_457052506_n 11856843_746303692168888_51763407_n 11881902_926546667418980_990562830_n

First Annual Double P*ssy in the Books

11348139_1475178479476767_1585831584_n“First, you two are both pussies. Second, you just chose two pussy routes.” And so it was named, by the ever tactful Hacksaw Hutchins, the Inaugural Juggernaut Double Pussy. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 110 miles and 13,000 feet of climbing on the back roads of West Virginia. Pussy ride for the Juggs, kinda burly otherwise.

DoublePussy_shirt

This is where we went:Screen Shot 2015-09-06 at 8.15.32 PMScreen Shot 2015-09-06 at 8.15.05 PM

PMBAR 2015: Fang’s Great Sacrifice

IMG_6765

Editors’s Note: This site is mainly comprised of plagiarism.

Bicycle racing is nothing without sacrifice and in the 2015 edition of PMBAR Thori “Fang” Wolfe set the standard in an incomparable “beau geste.” Starting the race as a support rider for the legendary El Guapo, Fang proved to be the revelation of the race. Easily the day’s most thoroughly chamois creamed rider, Fang drank several beers after midnight the night before the race, rivaling his leader El Guapo. He also had a cooler backpack than Guapo. When El Guapo destroyed his bike on the descent of the Pen de Turquie, his chances to win “King of Pisgah” appeared over. But Fang came to the rescue. While eating a Baybel cheese, Fang, who once dreamed of winning PMBAR, handed his bike to El Guapo and said “No, no, you must carry on. Win PMBAR Guapo. Bring glory to the ESF. Also, FYI, the front brakes don’t work.” He then sat on a stone fence, waiting for help to arrive and wept, knowing his own PMBAR chances were over.

And as Fang wept, the remaining four Juggernauts rode off into the wilderness for another 7 hours, each wishing that they had been wise enough to sacrifice their bike and spend the afternoon drinking beer at the HUB.

Race report: Guapo, Thor, Dyno, Gorka – two man teams, 15th and 16th places out of 75 with a little over an hour of f’ing around with broken stuff thrown in there. Respectable. This is where we went:

IMG_0789

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

IMG_6732 IMG_6766 IMG_6764 IMG_6763Don’t just eat a burrito, live it.