El Guapo Takes Time Out from Skinning Mule Carcasses to Become King of Pisgah

pdd_2015-6El Guapo pretty much made the entire Juggs squad look like a bunch of squirming little zygote piles of wussbag nothingness by completing the epic journey from mere man to King of Pisgah. He had to do a ton of awful sh*t to accomplish it including the Double Dare last weekend where he got on the podium with a Dale’s Pale and said “suck on this universe.” He also won a belt buckle.

Post race, sitting on a burro and drinking from a ceramic jug with three x’s on it, Guapo laid out the DD format:

“The race starts at 12 noon on Saturday and you have 12 hours to reach up to 10 checkpoints,” he said in mangled English barely comprehensible to a modern human. “But first you must complete a time trial to even get your passport book (this year’s time trial was just over 13 miles and took us 1h:37m). Once you have your passport, you have the rest of the day to reach as many checkpoints as you can. This ends at midnight and then starts again at 6am on Sunday, where you have another 12 hours to reach 10 new checkpoints (but no time trial on day 2). And in case you’re worried about not getting enough sleep in between, there’s a short track race at midnight worth an additional 0.5 checkpoints. There’s also music and beer and a selection of fine Guatemalan women to dance with.”

“Unlike PMBAR there’s no map clues provided, just a description of the checkpoint (like a trail location or intersection).  You can reach the checkpoints in any order just like PMBAR, but here there’s nothing at the checkpoints to tell you that it is actually a checkpoint. You need to take a picture of the trail sign or landmark to prove you were there (and hope it’s right). The team with the most check points wins flat out, not fastest time with bonuses like PMBAR. Time is only used if there is a tie with number of checkpoints.”

Checkpoint totals after 2 days =  19.5 checkpoints (9 CPS’s day #1, 0.5 for short track, and 10 CP’s day #2).

Stats:  137 miles, 20,500 ft of elevation, 22h:23m elapsed time

Finished in true Juggernaut fashion with no rear brake the last day, and no rear derailleur cable for the last 10 miles. Score one for Guapo.  pdd_route-1pdd_route-2image1

PMBAR 2015: Fang’s Great Sacrifice

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Editors’s Note: This site is mainly comprised of plagiarism.

Bicycle racing is nothing without sacrifice and in the 2015 edition of PMBAR Thori “Fang” Wolfe set the standard in an incomparable “beau geste.” Starting the race as a support rider for the legendary El Guapo, Fang proved to be the revelation of the race. Easily the day’s most thoroughly chamois creamed rider, Fang drank several beers after midnight the night before the race, rivaling his leader El Guapo. He also had a cooler backpack than Guapo. When El Guapo destroyed his bike on the descent of the Pen de Turquie, his chances to win “King of Pisgah” appeared over. But Fang came to the rescue. While eating a Baybel cheese, Fang, who once dreamed of winning PMBAR, handed his bike to El Guapo and said “No, no, you must carry on. Win PMBAR Guapo. Bring glory to the ESF. Also, FYI, the front brakes don’t work.” He then sat on a stone fence, waiting for help to arrive and wept, knowing his own PMBAR chances were over.

And as Fang wept, the remaining four Juggernauts rode off into the wilderness for another 7 hours, each wishing that they had been wise enough to sacrifice their bike and spend the afternoon drinking beer at the HUB.

Race report: Guapo, Thor, Dyno, Gorka – two man teams, 15th and 16th places out of 75 with a little over an hour of f’ing around with broken stuff thrown in there. Respectable. This is where we went:

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IMG_6732 IMG_6766 IMG_6764 IMG_6763Don’t just eat a burrito, live it.

El Guapo Brings It at Pisgah Stage Race Right Up Until the Moment His Bike Implodes

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The race report from El Guapo:
La carrera cubrió casi todos sendero clásico en Pisga. Cada día era un sistema de áreas / sendero diferente. Las cosas empezaron bien. Día 1 Tengo segundo en el Masters. Día 2 Me resbalé un poco, pero terminando cuarto y bajando a tercera acumulativo. Día 3 se puso mejor, terminé con un fuerte tercero y solidificó mi 3er puesto en la general de nuevo. Las cosas se veían bien. Pasé los primeros 3 noches en el podio de rotación entre mis 2 Juggernaut camisetas para las fotos (… ya que nuestros equipos no están en todavía!). Las cosas se ven bien … hasta el día 4. La lluvia había sido un factor de toda la semana y el día 2 solo yo fuimos a través de 2 pares de pastillas de freno y un nuevo rotor delantero. Creo que mi moto estaba cayendo lentamente aparte (el mismo que no quería llevar al Valor de ley porque pensé que no iba a sobrevivir … De alguna manera pensé que sería ahora sobreviven con 5 días de Pisga su lugar). De todos modos, las ruedas se desprendieron en el Día 4 … o debería decir la rueda trasera encerrado, literalmente. Tengo un DNF después de no llegar más allá del punto de verificación # 1, donde el mecánico pasó 45 minutos rascándose la cabeza. Yo estaba bastante fuera de la carrera en general en este punto y fuera del podio por esa etapa y el resto de ellos. Mi bicicleta fue básicamente se retiró en ese momento, ya que no había aún permanecía marco y los temas de la horquilla. Afortunadamente, tenía una bicicleta nueva en el orden y era capaz de utilizar que en el Día 5. quinta Terminado en la última etapa y cayó al séptimo general. Todavía una semana increíble a pesar de los contratiempos!

Stage 4 bike break dramatic reenactment:

Pisgah Stage Race profiles:
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PMBAR 2014

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Climbed the root ladders, saw the curvature of the earth from the top of Whoville, waded a million rivers, ate empanadas out of our pockets, ripped some awesome singletrack, got our Passport punched, went to see Yoda. Good to see Mike racing in the Pisgah Tavern kit. Hard to say if they sponsor him or if he sponsors them but it all works out.

The Juggernauts Crossing Lethe

…of bikes, Juggernauts, arachnophobia and lovelorn bullfrogs in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  A very thin allusion to high brow literature from a low brow MTB racer.

The Juggernauts’ Crossing the Lethe: Trying to explain how the Juggernauts’ collective memory could be so inconceivably short”

To be fair, it’s a bit heady to draw too many parallels between a back-country bike race and Dante’s epic journey with Virgil, but there is something to be said for the predictable manner with which the crew’s collective memory is revised, or thoroughly erased – oftentimes within minutes of finishing a plunge through infernal hardship and suffering – only to begin planning anew for the next assault.

As in the past, the Juggernauts endured molten lakes, frozen rivers, monsters, treachery, deceit, gigantic arachnids, and predatory and promiscuous bullfrogs to once again cross the river Lethe as memories of Mt Whoville and root ladders faded on the porch of the Brevard NC race lodge … beers and Maker’s Mark support selective memory or willful ignorance (or both) immeasurably.

So I’ll walk the Pisgah 111k backwards … from Finish to Start.  It sort of represents the slow devolution of memory … get it?  Anyway, I’ll try and illustrate, and thus help to understand why the Juggs just. keep. coming. back.  Sort of like that one golf shot, but very very different …

The beginning of Forgetfulness.

  • beers;
  • two miles of final ripping downhill;
  • high fives at the top of the last 100 meter bike push – real or imagined;
  • the last 100 meter bike push;
  • Pilot Rock downhill and switchbacks;
  • Mt Whoville death march and root ladder field (a.k.a., My Own Private Idaho and multiple Quit Bikes moments);
  • most of the ride – actually some of the best 80k of race course ever, except it’s a 111k race – sooo;
  • the start;

Boundless hopes and expectations

Until next time.

– Fang