Other than that, nothing but beer, bikes, and badassery.
Gorka gave mother nature a sensual rub down, and she liked it.
Serious bridge crossing skillz:
Juggernaut, you must be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way through it. Outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless and shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. If you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. If you put a Juggernaut into the SM100, it becomes the SM100. Be water, Juggernaut. Be the SM100.
It was with these spiritual words of guidance that the Jugg Elite Squad tackled the 18th Annual SM100. El Guapo, Happy Fun Ball, Thor, Gorka, and Pook were all narrowly edged out of the win by a slim 2 hour margin. At the finish, as the top 10 finishers were sealed back into their hyperbaric chambers by their handlers the Juggernauts pounded beer into wee hours of night under an endless blanket of stars begging the question – who were the real winners?
Awwww yeah, drone footage:
Founded on principle, the Juggernaut is swift and unyielding in its judgments. After two night rides without a flask, Fang banished himself to the unrelenting hell of the Shenandoah Mountain 100. His sentence to ride and finish with a Juggernaut flask full of bourbon – untouched until the race was done.
The Shaolin Principles
Now please watch Kung Fu Hustle in its entirety:
The SM100 handed out a big fat stinking sack of discomfort to the Juggernaut this year. We’re all feeling a bit tired. Not pedaling real lively. Not so excited about inclines. Except Gorka who nearly broke his PR of 9:16 but rolled in at 9:17. Denied. Likely because of the unbearable load of bad karma following him everywhere. He also came no where near breaking the all time Juggs SM100 record of 9:07 which will now likely stand forever.
Thor rolled in at 9:52 and proceeded to give himself a lobotomy with a tire lever in order to forget the last 40 miles of riding.
Fang, wisest of us all, came home in a pickup truck before having to ride the death climb and just sat around and drank beer. Brilliant move sir.
Opening a cookie jar and finding a severed gorilla hand inside. Lying down for a nap in a field of freshly cut grass and then having a llama or emu accidentally step on your nuts. Drop-kicking a football at a picnic and realizing too late it’s a dead carp and having it explode all over you. That is to say, it’s f’ing awesome, until it isn’t. Tough rolling in the rain and muck at the SM100 this year for the Juggs but we will be back and we will sweep the podium even if we have to cheat. Editors note: The new Narrowback is incredibly great.
Setting: A gas station at the north end of Franklin WV. Three Juggernauts enter, mill about, select a variety of beer flavors, and head to the counter. A woman with four teeth enters the store and pauses, eyes wide, and clasps hands to face.
Four-tooth woman: OH MY GOD YOU LOOK JUST LIKE NEIL PATRICK HARRIS!
Juggernaut #1 that kind of looks like Neil Patrick Harris (NPH) blinks eyes in astonishment.
Juggernaut #2: I’m euphoric right now.
Four-tooth woman’s boyfriend walks toward Juggernaut #1
Four-tooth woman: WELL HE DOES! JUST LOOK AT HIM!
Juggernaut #1 remains motionless. Four-tooth woman’s boyfriend looks at him.
Juggernaut #1: This is awful.
Juggernaut #2: This is the greatest thing ever in the history of the world.
Four-tooth woman and four-tooth woman’s boyfriend walk by and select bag of Doritos.
Juggernaut #1 and #2 exit store.
Juggernaut #3 emerges from wherever the hell he was.
Juggernaut #3: What just happened? Did you see that chick with four teeth?
And so it began, with ridicule. But it ended in glory. Juggernaut Spring Training Franklin Edition 2013. A whole lotta awesome. 140+ miles of backcountry road riding. Halfway to the top of Mt Everest in elevation gain. Perfect weather, a few boozy concoctions in the evening to keep us right, and two altercations with vehicles exiting wormholes from other dimensions at Mach 6. Off track betting of the highest order in the evening with Virginia Gentleman Mint Julips prepped by Tom for Derby Day. Next up, Transylvania Epic and additional layers of freewheeling awesomeness.